The Reveal of the Bump

5 weeks, 0 lbs weight gain overall

6 weeks, 0 lbs weight gain overall (most of the bump is gas)

11 weeks, 1 lb weight gain overall 

14 weeks, 2 lbs weight gain overall

Sacrifice

Sorry it's been a minute since I've blogged. I've been trying to get through the wretched first semester (I mean trimester - I have school on the brain) of pregnancy that still consists of fatigue, nausea, and vomiting with bouts of body aches, fever, and flu. Yep. It's been a whopper of a trimester. I keep thinking "It's worth it, it's worth it. In 6 months when you hold your little miracle it will be worth it." 97% of the time I remember that and believe that to the core. The other 3% of the time, I want to skip the whole pregnancy thing and jump right to the little miracle thing.

The bible says to not complain, so I've tried really hard not to...at least not outloud. But one night I had "had it up to here". Picture hand to the top of my head. So I went to Jason and complained. For only about three minutes. I complained about being tired. I complained about being nauseous. I complained about throwing up. I complained about my kids at school who are sucking the life and energy out of me, not to mention testing my every living ounce of patience. I complained about no matter how tired I am, I can't get a good nights sleep to save my life. I complained about always being hungry but nothing sounding good. I complained about wanting to maintain a consistent workout plan but being too sick or tired to do more than about two days a week. I was so over it.

Ok, so maybe the complaining was more like five minutes :-)  And God bless him, Jason listened to it all, and encouraged me. He said the difference between complaining and expressing your feelings is the posture of your heart. The truth is, if I had to endure the worst symptoms every day of the full nine months but it meant a perfect happy baby, I would do it in a heartbeat. But, it would make me second think wanting those 3-5 kids. So I guess I wasn't complaining, I was expressing.

So with all of this, I asked God: "Why 9 months? Why 40 weeks? Why not like two months total?" If that were the case, count me in. Here are some of the answers the Father of all children told me...

• God so much enjoys and takes great joy in every second, every detail, every intimate & painstaking process of knitting together each baby in the secret place of their mother's womb. 
• Jesus made the sacrifice by giving His life so we can all have eternal life. The least I can do is sacrifice for the life of my unborn child. 
• God takes joy is watching the development of life. This is in the new life of a child in the womb, and also in new life when one of His children give their hearts to Him. Heavens rejoice when both of these happen. 
• 40 is a number of sacrifice and new life. Rain fell on the earth for 40 days with Noah. The Lord made Israel wander in the desert for 40 years. After Jesus was tempted by the devil in the desert, he fasted for 40 days and 40 nights. 40 weeks is how long a woman sacrifices her body, her favorite foods, her sleep, her energy, and her health. But just like the Israelites, Noah, and Jesus, I know the Lord is with me, giving me strength, seeing me through until he reveals to me the purpose of my sacrifice. 

Oh, and what would a blog be without a picture of our lil one? Duh. This is baby McGee at 12 weeks and 3 days. The ultrasound tech took a guess and said she thought it is a girl. I immediately drifted into the land of all the cute little pink clothes, tights, and tutu's....oh the fun of girls. But at this point it's only a guess. At 20 weeks it will be a better estimate. But we wont' know 100% until he/she enters this world. But here she/he is....pretty cute huh? :-) My 5 year old niece Jaidyn thinks it looks like a duck. Guess I can see it. 

Is She OK?

I'm definitely feeling my hormones being hi-jacked the past few weeks. I like to pride myself on being a pretty even-keel person. ESPECIALLY for a woman. Jason will even agree with me. I'm usually really laid back. Easy to please. Don't get upset easily. Pretty much drama-free. Ok, I will admit I have one weakness in this area though; when I'm tired I'm cranky. So with being tired while pregnant that crankiness has increased. But then I usually just go to bed and all is well.

Lately though, I've noticed my even-keeled(ness) has been not so even. There was one night I flipped from one emotion to the next like it was a deck of cards. Jason and I were watching "What Would You Do?"and the scenario was a teenage red-headed boy in a restaurant and there were other (jerkface) teenage boys picking on him. I've realized that's my hot button. People who bully other people for things they can't control. So of course I was choking back tears and felt like I had swallowed a pear whole. Then Jason (mostly just to get to me) started to make comments about how the kid deserved it, he would kick him too, and how it would just toughen the kid up. I went from heartbroken, to breaking bones. This happened about 126,356,938 times in the hour duration of the show. But not for a second did I let it show on my face or let Jason know it. Because I knew it was all irrational and all babymotions. So aat the end of the show, I kissed my husband goodnight, went behind closed doors and cried to the Lord for my emotions I couldn't control. But, as ridiculous as this sounds...it gets better. (or worse)

This next scenario has happened to me twice since being pregnant. How many times has this happened in my life before pregnancy you ask? Let me answer that question. I think three times in all 2(cough)8 years. This past weekend I had some of my closest girls over for a little girls night in. We were playing a game where you make up scenarios to a certain question. The question was "What should not be lumpy?" Well I thought of one of my friends most unfavorite word...and before I even wrote it, I started laughing at how angry she was going to be when my card was read. And that laughing was uncontrollable. And it turned into outright crying. And I'm not talking a couple tears and some sobs...I'm talking crying that involved rivers of tears cascading down my face. Then laughing. Then crying. And I COULD. NOT. STOP. IT.  As funny as that was, it was almost even funnier watching the faces of the girls that completed the circle around me. Their faces went from amused every time I laughed, to genuinely concerned every time I cried, to amused, to concerned. Which of course made me laugh/cry even harder. Oh man, the wonderful joys of pregnant emotions.

L, Is For The Way You Look, At Me

Ok, Ladies. (guys you know it's not for you) What is one of the greatest gifts you could receive for Valentine's Day? Chocolate? Roses? Diamonds? Ive gotten all of those for this unnecessary holiday before. And I can tell you, all of these are so overrated compared to hearing your baby's heartbeat for the very first time. That's right. 173 beats per minute of pure bliss. We had our second ultrasound on Valentine's Day and heard the most beautiful sound. The tears definitely appeared in I think both Jason and I's eyes. And here's a picture of out lil guy. (ok fine or girl)

And the only thing that made it an even more perfect moment was that the most amazing man I've ever known was right beside me. He's been so wonderful throughout this entire process. I know the process hasn't been that long yet, but he's supported me every step of the way and I know will continue to do so for the rest of our lives together raising our child(ren) from infancy to adult and all the learning years in between.

Here's a rundown of the symptoms and the effect (or affect I always get confused on those) they have on me.  This is what Jason has had to put up with for the past 9 weeks...

• nausea - deep breaths, nothing sounds good to eat, quiet, don't move much, sleep
• vomiting - eww, just eww, and sleep
• headaches - don't move much, quiet, sleep
• dizziness - nauseated, car sick, don't move much
• smells - i smell EVERYTHING, and most make me nauseated
• leg cramps - restless sleep, irritability
• vivid (a.k.a. weird) dreams - confused, restless sleep
• trouble sleeping - tired, irritated
• emotional - I'm usually very even keeled, i've already found myself crying at things that are so stupid and simple
• bloating - uncomfortable, sit on the couch with my pants and zipper undone
• bra bloating - walk in the door, bra goes off, running is not fun
• frequent urination - irritated, uncomfortable, no jumping 
• food cravings/aversions - i used to love veggies! not so much now, the more substance and grease a food has the better,  mashed potatoes and gravy are oh so delic,oooooh and sherbet ice cream! yummy! I might get a bowl right now...
• gaseous - can anyone say covered wagon? a.k.a dutch oven? poor Jason...
• bleeding gums - yep, almost every morning. I know weird
• heartburn - even though this baby is 1/4 Mexican, it doesn't like spicy food as much as it's Mommy. 
• fatigue - tired, tired, tired ALL-THE-TIME, permanent zombie-like state

This has been me every evening for the last 9 weeks...

With all of the "negative" symptoms, one feeling wipes them all away. Four simple letters. LOVE. LOVE for my Father who has seem me as worthy to be this child's mommy. LOVE for my husband whom is already the best partner and best friend and is going to be the greatest father on earth. LOVE for my mom (and dad) for all the sacrifices they went through raising me. And LOVE for this child that is only the size of a olive right now. (yuck, I hate olives) I look forward to meeting God's idea of the perfect combination of Jason and I in about 31 weeks, give or take a couple. 

You know I've always known what a miracle pregnancy and childbirth was. But I didn't really have a clear grasp on it until now. I am in awe of how God has created the woman perfectly to grow, protect, and nurture a baby. And how God has created man and woman to get the process started. He has all of the power in the world to do it on His own (see the story of Mary) and yet His way is for man and woman to be united in His name, and then create, grow, love and cherish their children. Again, for one reason. Because He loves us and wants to see us enjoy good things. And he does afterall command us this in Genesis 9:7: "As for you, be fruitful and increase in number; multiply on the earth and increase upon it." Jason and I are simply obeying :-)

Calling Dinosaurs

I've been nauseous for a few weeks now, but the last few days I've graduated from nausea to true morning sickness. Only the name doesn't fit the crime, because I'm not only sick in the morning, but in the afternoon, and in the evening. At least not in the middle of the night, right? Probably cause I'm so darn tired to even think about it. So I've been enjoying stacks of saltine crackers and bottles of ginger ale. It's actually the first time I've tried ginger ale. I thought it would taste gross, but actually it tastes like a really good combo of 7-up and sprite. Yummmmmmy. Really, I don't have it as bad as some women do, and it's not every day either. So I'm thanking God for that and also thanking God that I'm halfway through the first trimester. We have another ultrasound on the 14th. I can't think of a better way to celebrate Valentine's day and the extravagant love I have for my husband than hearing the heartbeat of our child. I'm so excited!!!
                          

Speaking of extravagant love for my husband, he's so incredibly wonderful. I really can't even describe how great of a husband and best friend he is to me. Being married to him is even better than I imagined. And I had high expectations!! He cooks me dinner when I'm too sick or tired, he puts up with me being tired and going to bed early and taking so many naps (usually by playing Call of Duty), he snuggles with me on the couch when I'm too exhausted to move, he makes runs to the store for me when I don't feel good or have a food craving, he rubs my feet, AND he brought me roses for no reason :-) I really love him so much.



Even though I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired, it's sooooooo worth it. I would go through it every day for all nine months if it meant I get to see God's idea of a perfect combination of Jason and I. But.....I've heard the second trimester is better. Bring it on :-)

It's All About Love

6 weeks and 1 day. That's what the ultrasound told us today. Our lil peewee is 6weeks and 1day old. It's so great to know it's still growing, numbers are good, and I've been feeling fairly decent for the most part. Except I feel like I'm sleep deprived...all....the....time. Who knew this baby-makin stuff was so tiring? God must be exhausted! But as much as I already love this lil one, I'm focusing on not worship the created, but the Creator. He's so good at what He does.

Today during the ultrasound we saw a lil flicker and saw the heartbeat. As amazing as that is, it's mind-blowing to think that that little heartbeat is inside the baby that is the size of a grain of rice. WOW. Just WOW. God, the more I learn about you, the more you reveal to me, the more I realize I don't know about you. I look forward to learning more about your heart as a Father through this pregnancy. Thank you for seeing me as worthy to carry this child. Thank you seeing Jason and I as worthy to be this child's parents. He's going to be such a great dad. You are far better to me than I deserve. I don't deserve all of the good things you have given me, but I know they are straight from your heart for one reason and one reason only. Love. Because you love me. Me of all people. You love me. Now that deserves a WOW.

I Used to Love Rollercoasters.....

The ups and down, the quick turns, that weird feeling in your stomach, being just on the verge of vomiting, the thrill of the ride - all are the joys of roller coasters. Real roller coasters = so much fun. Emotional roller coasters = not so fun.

The first week of knowing I was pregnant had all of those twists and turns, funny feelings in my stomach, and way too many tears. I'll give you the day by day run down...

Monday January 17 -
I realize my period is a little too late to be a coincidence. The past couple weeks I noticed I could barely keep my eyes open in the evenings past 8:30.  I'm running to the bathroom every 30 minutes. I keep getting nauseous and light headed if I don't eat every couple hours. And my "girls" are reeeeeeeealy sore. I tell Jason there is a possibility I might be pregnant. He doesn't really show any reaction but says we should pick up a test on the way home. The way home was very quiet. Before I got into the shower, I took the test. While I was trying not to peek for those painstaking two minutes, I get the flashback in my mind to two weeks prior when Jason said "If my wife is pregnant, I'll be angry". Well, if you read my previous post, you know the results of that test. I actually took two. Yep - both totally positive. So all during my shower I cried out to God. Partly in tears of joy because I've desired my entire life to be a mom, and also tears of fear wondering how my husband will react. When I told him, he was quiet at first but soon after we both were overjoyed with anticipation of meeting our child in a few months to come.

Tuesday January 18 -
I call the doctor to set up a confirmation appointment. They don't have any openings so I had to wait another 24 hours.

Wednesday January 19 -
I make it to my doctors appointment where they confirm that sure enough I'm preggo. They did some blood work as well, the first of many draws I will soon discover. I called Jason to let him know in fact he is a daddy, and he reacted with pure joy and excitement. He's going to be such a great dad.

Thursday January 20 -
I get a call from the doctor letting me know the results from my lab test. My HCG level is looking really good. However, my progesterone level is low. This is the hormone my body produces naturally to keep the baby in the uterus. It was described to be as the "glue" that keeps the baby in place. So I pick up a progesterone hormone from the pharmacy and schedule another blood draw the following day.

Friday January 21 -
They took more blood and my HCG level went from 409 to 1132 which shows the baby is continuing to grow. But, because of low progesterone level there is a chance I could be experiencing a tubal pregnancy. This is where the fertilized egg for some reason got stuck in a fallopian tube rather than dropping all of the way to the uterus like it should have. If this is the case it always ends bad. So...bring on the kleenex. I scheduled an appointment for first thing Monday morning.

Saturday & Sunday, January 21,22 -
Longest weekend ever. Prayed ALOT!!!

Monday January 23 - 
Jason went with me to my 8am appointment. They performed an ultrasound where they discovered the gestational sac (baby) was in fact in my uterus and not anywhere else. yay! Praise the Lord!!! BUT...the ultrasound tech said the sac was smaller than it should be if I was 5 or 6 weeks along. Deep breath. So what does that mean? She stated it means either I'm not as far along as they thought, or the baby stopped growing at some point. Thick swallow, choke back tears. So they drew (once again) more blood and I had to wait for a phone call from the doctor with the results. Well, needless to say I cried....alot that day. Poor Jason, he was so worried about me but all I needed to do was cry out to my Father. And He was there like He always is. And His arms were stronger than ever. The verse He continued to remind me of is "Do not worry about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, present your requests to God, and the peace of God, which transcends all understand, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Phil 4:6-7. So that's what I did. I petitioned and prayed for the life of my unborn baby. And then the doctor called. Both my HCG and progesterone levels rose beautifully. Just like they should. And the gestational sac looks the size it should for early pregnancy. Thanks a lot ultrasound lady. But through it I was drawn nearer to my Daddy.

So, can we stop the roller coaster ride now? I'm ready to get off. I want to ride the nice steady train. No ups and downs. No surprising curves or loops. Just slow and steady eddy to our destination  9 months down the road. 1 ticket please. Whatever ride I'm on, I'm going to remember this verse "Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things." Phil 4:8. So I will not think about what bad "might" happen, I will only think about what good will.

 I trust you Father.