It's All About Love

6 weeks and 1 day. That's what the ultrasound told us today. Our lil peewee is 6weeks and 1day old. It's so great to know it's still growing, numbers are good, and I've been feeling fairly decent for the most part. Except I feel like I'm sleep deprived...all....the....time. Who knew this baby-makin stuff was so tiring? God must be exhausted! But as much as I already love this lil one, I'm focusing on not worship the created, but the Creator. He's so good at what He does.

Today during the ultrasound we saw a lil flicker and saw the heartbeat. As amazing as that is, it's mind-blowing to think that that little heartbeat is inside the baby that is the size of a grain of rice. WOW. Just WOW. God, the more I learn about you, the more you reveal to me, the more I realize I don't know about you. I look forward to learning more about your heart as a Father through this pregnancy. Thank you for seeing me as worthy to carry this child. Thank you seeing Jason and I as worthy to be this child's parents. He's going to be such a great dad. You are far better to me than I deserve. I don't deserve all of the good things you have given me, but I know they are straight from your heart for one reason and one reason only. Love. Because you love me. Me of all people. You love me. Now that deserves a WOW.

I Used to Love Rollercoasters.....

The ups and down, the quick turns, that weird feeling in your stomach, being just on the verge of vomiting, the thrill of the ride - all are the joys of roller coasters. Real roller coasters = so much fun. Emotional roller coasters = not so fun.

The first week of knowing I was pregnant had all of those twists and turns, funny feelings in my stomach, and way too many tears. I'll give you the day by day run down...

Monday January 17 -
I realize my period is a little too late to be a coincidence. The past couple weeks I noticed I could barely keep my eyes open in the evenings past 8:30.  I'm running to the bathroom every 30 minutes. I keep getting nauseous and light headed if I don't eat every couple hours. And my "girls" are reeeeeeeealy sore. I tell Jason there is a possibility I might be pregnant. He doesn't really show any reaction but says we should pick up a test on the way home. The way home was very quiet. Before I got into the shower, I took the test. While I was trying not to peek for those painstaking two minutes, I get the flashback in my mind to two weeks prior when Jason said "If my wife is pregnant, I'll be angry". Well, if you read my previous post, you know the results of that test. I actually took two. Yep - both totally positive. So all during my shower I cried out to God. Partly in tears of joy because I've desired my entire life to be a mom, and also tears of fear wondering how my husband will react. When I told him, he was quiet at first but soon after we both were overjoyed with anticipation of meeting our child in a few months to come.

Tuesday January 18 -
I call the doctor to set up a confirmation appointment. They don't have any openings so I had to wait another 24 hours.

Wednesday January 19 -
I make it to my doctors appointment where they confirm that sure enough I'm preggo. They did some blood work as well, the first of many draws I will soon discover. I called Jason to let him know in fact he is a daddy, and he reacted with pure joy and excitement. He's going to be such a great dad.

Thursday January 20 -
I get a call from the doctor letting me know the results from my lab test. My HCG level is looking really good. However, my progesterone level is low. This is the hormone my body produces naturally to keep the baby in the uterus. It was described to be as the "glue" that keeps the baby in place. So I pick up a progesterone hormone from the pharmacy and schedule another blood draw the following day.

Friday January 21 -
They took more blood and my HCG level went from 409 to 1132 which shows the baby is continuing to grow. But, because of low progesterone level there is a chance I could be experiencing a tubal pregnancy. This is where the fertilized egg for some reason got stuck in a fallopian tube rather than dropping all of the way to the uterus like it should have. If this is the case it always ends bad. So...bring on the kleenex. I scheduled an appointment for first thing Monday morning.

Saturday & Sunday, January 21,22 -
Longest weekend ever. Prayed ALOT!!!

Monday January 23 - 
Jason went with me to my 8am appointment. They performed an ultrasound where they discovered the gestational sac (baby) was in fact in my uterus and not anywhere else. yay! Praise the Lord!!! BUT...the ultrasound tech said the sac was smaller than it should be if I was 5 or 6 weeks along. Deep breath. So what does that mean? She stated it means either I'm not as far along as they thought, or the baby stopped growing at some point. Thick swallow, choke back tears. So they drew (once again) more blood and I had to wait for a phone call from the doctor with the results. Well, needless to say I cried....alot that day. Poor Jason, he was so worried about me but all I needed to do was cry out to my Father. And He was there like He always is. And His arms were stronger than ever. The verse He continued to remind me of is "Do not worry about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, present your requests to God, and the peace of God, which transcends all understand, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Phil 4:6-7. So that's what I did. I petitioned and prayed for the life of my unborn baby. And then the doctor called. Both my HCG and progesterone levels rose beautifully. Just like they should. And the gestational sac looks the size it should for early pregnancy. Thanks a lot ultrasound lady. But through it I was drawn nearer to my Daddy.

So, can we stop the roller coaster ride now? I'm ready to get off. I want to ride the nice steady train. No ups and downs. No surprising curves or loops. Just slow and steady eddy to our destination  9 months down the road. 1 ticket please. Whatever ride I'm on, I'm going to remember this verse "Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things." Phil 4:8. So I will not think about what bad "might" happen, I will only think about what good will.

 I trust you Father.

Um I'm sorry what? Positive? Pregnant?

Oh man. So I haven't even been married 2 months yet. And while these have been the best two months of my life thus far, married to the most amazing man that I've ever know, we didn't plan to expand our family this early. But apparently God has other plans.

Jason and I got married November 19, 2010. It was a an absolutely beautiful, perfectly crazy day. We had our best friends with us, nerf guns in hand,and smiling family in the pews. We had an equally amazing honeymoon and settled back into our new lives when we got home.

Our "plan" was to use natural planning and enjoy a year of married life before trying to start a family. Well,  lately I've been having some unusual symptoms, aunt flo is a few days late, and bada bing bada boom....yep you guessed it. Not one, but check it, two, pregnancy tests turned out positive.

Jason and I were shocked as our initial reaction, but that shock quickly turned into excitement. Like I've learned so many other times in life, our plans are not usually God's plan. So we're following and trusting the One who knit us in our mothers' wombs' some 28 odd years ago... with knitting this little one in mine.

According to babycenter.com I'm about 5 weeks along and our little one's heart is developing and starting to beat. (ahhhhh crazy!!!) Please God protect our baby and me from any harm.  This is apparently what it looks like right now....

Little one, don't worry. You're daddy is the most amazing, loving man I have ever know. He has such a big heart. I trust him and so can you.


P.S. All of this is my older brother Kevin's fault. He had a dream that Jason and I had twin boys. The weirdest thing is that night he had this "dream" was probably the night before we conceived.  Thanks a lot bro.